" I don't start the rumor - - but I damn sure pass it along"
Sunday, September 17, 2006
"White Girls Gone Wild"
I'm filling my "spare" time, strolling the digital highway, checking out what's new in the world. Suddenly, my eyes are burned with a sight I just CAN'T believe. I refresh my page, thinking I'm seeing things but NOPE there it is again! Who in the HELL is going to step up and beat the SNOT out of Lindsey Lohan???!!! What kind of person let's photographers take "Cootchie" shots not once but TWICE!!!!???
Look, this has crazy white girl written all over it. I know, we show out on "Flava of Love" all the time but has anyone there flashed for FREE? At least when we show, we get paid for it. What is she thinking? Am I the only one who feels like she's actually SMILING at the knowledge of the flashbulbs going? I think she WANTS these photos out there. Please, I'm begging, will someone agree to take her to a dark place for the whooping she needs? OH, at the same time, someone should be kicking her Mama's butt!
PS: I refuse to comment on the shaved status...my mind can't take it.
I get that Tom Cruise thinks EVERYONE on the planet is an idiot. I mean, he must think that, considering I'm/we're supposed to believe the ASIAN kid on the cover of Vanity Fair is his!!!!!
I've got to go with the theory of him being an alien. He is an alien and we are all inferior life-forms...who will believe anything put in front of us. I can just imagine his "To-Do" List...
1.) Find really dumb young white woman, put her into permanent trance 2.) Make sure all she can do daily is flash a big dumb smile and drink lots of coffee (filled with my alien mind-control) 3.) Have master Hollywood make-up artist rig a fake belly to make her look pregnant 4.) Fly self to China and pick-up one of the thousand little girls abandoned in their sewer system, clean her up and bring it back with me
Voila, suddenly we have a baby AND a huge magazine cover. I guess we can finally sleep tonight.
Tomorrow we all will be blessed with a new album from the Queen of BOOTYLICIOUS..Beyonce. I have been a BIG Beyonce fan...up until now. Here's what's wrong.
Am I the only person who noticed Beyonce's MTV VMA performance was a sham version of a Jackson (Michael or Janet...take your pick) on a bad day? Now, to make matters worse, I find out this is actually a Britney Spears impersonation. OH MY GOD...how far have we fallen? Yes, I'm not telling tales, it's true. Apparently down to the long rain coat and fly-in opening. Miss Britney gave the same performance at The AMAs a few years ago. What a waste, there goes another one down the drain.
Are we now forced to copy PWT, for moves we should actually own? It pains me people. What's next B?!? Barefoot and pregnant, roaming the aisles of a supermarket, searching for that next bag of Cheetos to keep you right?
Oh well, maybe it's for the better. I'd rather she tank now, while she still has her looks. Better than tanking in 5 years when she's just another strung-out, wasted, former Diva.
Why you ask? I'll tell you why. I'm vomiting from the stupid...stupid...stupid celebrity gossip overload. Here's what I think is the worst part, no one REALLY tells the truth! Yes, they stalk celebrities to get photos and YES, they fill DOZENS of magazines with what celebrities eat, where they shop and who they have sex with. In the end though, no one really has to balls to say what the world is thinking. Say things like....
- OF COURSE Eddie Murphy is gay!!! Why would we even SLIGHTLY believe he was "just trying to help someone in need" when picking-up trannies!!??!!
- YES, Michael Jackson molests children. The man should be UNDER the jail!
- Speaking of Jackson's....Janet, you're 40 now, that means have some dignity and....COVER YOURSELF UP!!!!
With that said, I've decided to invest my time, on a semi-regular basis, to chime in on the latest African-American gossip. I'll just be adding my "Keepin' It Real" take on what we're being told. Let's see how it works, shall we?